The Hextalls - Get Smashed

I'm a Recluse!

Who wants to get drunk and smash bumper cars (I do, I do)
Who's got a Sony demo that's ready for the Charts (I do, I do)
Who calls his mom's vag on the fourth day of March (I do, I do)
Who has dirty dreams about Rosanne Barr
Well, I guess that's me that's me that's me

Hey Crush, what's up
Can you text me and tell me if I'm normal
Hey man good luck
I heard Dateless is looking for a bassist
I think it sucks
I don't understand why things are so important
Let's go get drunk
And pull stop signs into Baltimore apartments

Because I'm just a recluse
Get someone on the goddamn phone
I'm a recluse

Who wants to take a dump when the toilet seats down (I do, I do)
Who's favorite colours are yellow and brown (I do, I do)
Who wants a motor scouter and a Blue Moon beer (I do, I do)
Who's out of tune on Call It A Career
Well, I guess that's me or Jeremy

My Dad Vs. Shania Twain

My dad likes to come home late from work
When we're all asleep and watch Country Music TV
I know what's going on

Shania, Shania, I know what's going on
It feels so wrong
I hope you break your neck

Come on dad, you're making me sad, pull your pants up, you're busted
Step away from the couch and put your fucking hands up, you're busted
The Kleenex box won't save you from your fucking lies now, you're busted
I can't believe that you're the guy that taught me how to clean in the shower

Come on dad, you can do better
I know that you can do better

Why don't you want to bone someone a little bit older
Why can't you control your giant honky-tonk boner
Admit that you don't have a little Helen Hunt fever
And I'll leave you alone

My dad likes to come home late from work
When we're all asleep and watch Country Music TV
I think I'm telling mom
As soon as she's done watching Remington Steel he's dead

Pacman

Let's play, gobble gobble burp burp
Let's play, let's play

I wake up and I wanna play Pacman
I go to bed and I dream in Pacman
Want to go to church? Fuck you
I've got to stay home, I've got ghosts to chew

Let's play, woah-oh-oh
Let's play, let's play

There's all these ghosts all over the place
And I need to get like a million points to eat them
And every once in a while
There's this big fucking thing like a french fry

Let's play, Woah-oh-oh
Let's play, let's play

My grandma died, but I never cried
God had a power pellet and then he probably ate her
Ate her, ate her, then he probably ate her
Ate her, ate her, because that's what I would do if I was God

I Met Het at the Ropetow

I met her at the ropetow
But she was fucking cold though
I tried to warm her up with a little bitty cup of the Dev show
She wasn't having it with me
When I asked her if she skiied
She didn't even laugh, she just rolled her eyes at me

I met her at the rope
I met her at the ropetow
I tried to warm her up
I didn't try hard enough to keep her with me

I met her at the ropetow
She was fucking cold though
I tried to make a move and catch up to her on the moguls
But she was moving too fast
I did a 180 fakey to ass
And as she skiied away all that I could say to myself was

You can put your marshmallows into my cocoa
Anytime you want, anytime you want to
You can put your marshmallows into my cocoa
Anytime you want, anytime at all

Take it to the lodge
Anytime you want to

I met her at the rope
I met her at the ropetow
She wasn't having it

Rally

She seemed really nice but I didn't really get her
When she asked what we sold on Rally Records
What should I say
What would you say
What would any normal person say
We only sold twelve
Fuck you

I Don't Wanna be a New York Ranger

You asked me to go to the Ranger game wo I said why not
I could use a beer or two or three or maybe more
We got there late, everyone was standing up for the American anthem
Except for me, at the mezzanine, grabbing a drink

I got lost somewhere in between, thank god there's a beer machine

I wish that I could find you
I really need to find you
Because I'm lost in a sea of blue

The Rangers keep scoring, the crowd keeps roaring
My blood alcohol level's soaring so high, I got in the wrong seats

I went for the high five, but you were gone, I tried looking to the Jumbotron
I think it said 9-1 in the 3rd, I couldn't read it because my eyes were blurred
That's when I saw your face

Your tongue was dancing in the mouth of some other guy
I can't believe you, I can't believe this, I wanna die
I wish that I could save myself tonight

Because there's not enough beer in the world to make me cheer for the New York
You can go to hell New York, I never want to be a New York

Ranger danger, approaching from the rear, never trust a girl in a Richter jersey
Ranger danger, have another beer, never trust a girl in a Richter jersey
Ranger danger, Ranger danger, never trust a, never trust a
Ranger danger, Ranger danger, never trust a girl in a jersey

The Final Countdown II

3-2-1 yeah I'm blasting off from here
3-2-1 let's go

You've all been great but now it's getting late I really got to go now
I've had some fun but now I've got to run or I'm going to blow my brains out

I don't know why I come out anyway
Waste my time on the things I love to hate
Better leave before I go insane
I'm at the door, I'm moving fast, but all I want to do is blast

You've all been great but now it's getting late I really got to go now
I've had some fun but now I've got to run or I'm going to blow my brains out

Back again at the place I dread
I think I've lost my mind now
Just don't get what goes through your head
And I don't think I want to find out

I don't know why I come out anyway
Waste my time on the things I love to hate
I don't know why I do this to myself
It can't be good for my mental health
I'm at the door, I'm moving fast, but all I want to do is blast
All I want to do is blast
I'm at the door, I'm moving fast, but all I want to do is blast

3-2-1 yeah I'm blasting off from here
3-2-1 let's go

Generic Mid-Record Power Ballad

It makes me sick hanging out with you
Ever since I found out you've got someone new
Take your time, I'll believe your lies
Because I don't want to think about you hanging with other guys

I should've known right from the start
That you were going to be the one to break my heart

It makes me sad to realize the truth
The time that we spent didn't mean a thing to you
Tell me why, I'll believe your lies
Because I don't want to listen to my brain for any advice

This guy that you've been seeing, what's he really got on me?
Every time I try to talk you turn your fucking back on me

I don't want to know about the games you've been playing
All I really want is honest conversation please
Don't turn it all around on me

This guy that you've been seeing, what's he really got on me?
Every time I try to talk you turn your fucking back on me

I should've known right from the start
That you were going to be the one to fucking break my heart
You fucking break my heart
You fucking break me

My Xbox Got the Red Ring of Death

Time to wake up, time to get sick, you're alone again
You've got a sad heart, in a bad way, and it's all coming down again, I know

Time to wake up, time to let go, it's all the same
You've got a sad heart, in a bad way, and it's all coming round again, I know
That it's hard to let it go, when your heart's not in control
And it makes it hard to think about anything

Sometimes it makes me want to cry, this time it's all on you
Good luck, I'll see you when you die, please let light ring through
Sometimes it makes me want to cry, this time it's all on you
Good luck, I hope that when you die this life is over

Your heart is a mess, don't live in regret, it's life, don't live in sorrow
Someday when it ends, the time that we spent on this won't matter tomorrow
No tomorrow

Your head is a mess, you're losing your piece of mind, it's over
The world is a mess, you're filled with regret and lies, it's over

Time to wake up, time to get sick, you're alone again
You've got a sad heart, in a bad way

I'm an Alcoholic!

I'm an alcoholic, help me out

I don't want to go to work today, I've got video games to play
Dave Nobody knows what I'm talking about

I can do it all by myself, I don't need your help, need your help
I don't need anybody else, I'm going to work it out, work it out
I know

That I'm an alcoholic, help me out

I'm an alcoholic, help me out

Tomorrow, I'll be sad and sick

Diaper Change

Di di diaper change, Di di diaper change
Doo doo doo doo doo
Di di diaper change, Di di diaper change
Poo poo poo poo poo
Well I might have lost control of the food I swallowed
But at least I still have you
Di di diaper change, Di di diaper change
Doo doo doo doo doo
Di di diaper change, Di di diaper change
Poo poo poo poo poo

We're the Castle Crashers

We're the Castle Crashers
I've got an axe, I ride a shark's head
I've got to smash all of my enemies in the head

I've got the Orange guy, you've got the Blue guy, he's got the Ogre
Oh no we're dead again

It's hard when you're dying
Come on you've got to get back up
Arrows flying
I'm going to dodge them as fast as I can

I've got to smash these assholes, I'll be there as soon as I can
Oh wait, I think I see gold, I'll be there as soon as I can
I won't leave you out cold, I'll be there for you

We're the Castle Crashers
Traded my axe for a lobster head
I've got to smash the Alien Hominid in the head until he's dead

We drowned the Catfish, we dropped the Cyclops, we popped the Corn Boss
Oh no we're dead again

Well we've been through hell now
Healed battle scars with good CPR
And we saved the princess
Oh my god she's hot
So all bets are off

We're the Castle Crashers

Bryan Adams

I'd fuck Bryan Adams in a heartbeat
I'd go homo
I'd slam his ass right into the concrete
I'd go homo

Please hum "The Summer of 69" right into my asshole

I'd fuck Bryan Adams in a heartbeat
I'd go homo
I'd slam his ass right into the concrete
I'd go homo

Tina Turner

My wife had a baby and it sounded like it hurt her
It came out looking just like Tina Turner
What should I do
What would you do
What would any normal person do
I punched it in the face
Fuck you

Kristine

You were hot as hell on the first date
I was nervous because I don't like airports
Wrong way on the freeway
We ended up in downtown Chicago

I could never leave, I would rather be stuck inside a bus without a reason
You could rob me once, just like the black guy with the bad heart that fucked me over

You had a hard fall on the driveway
We ended up right back in the snow bank
I guess I'm going to learn the hard way
How to fit in those pink pajamas

When I opened the door and farted, you just laughed and laughed
Don't ever leave me broken-hearted if you ever decide to leave

When I burped in your mouth on the french kiss, you just laughed and laughed
Don't ever tell your dad that we practiced how to shake his hand about a thousand times

I can't believe that I ever really found you, I don't know how I'll ever going to tell you
Every time that I try to write a love note, it always ends up sounding like a fart joke
I can't believe that I ever really found you, I don't know when or if I'll ever get to tell you
About the cake that you baked you thought looked crappy, who needs a birthday when you're happy
I can't believe that I ever really found you, I can't say that I think that I deserve you
You give my heart a giant fucking boner, I want to share it with you when we're older

Kristine Marie, you're the best thing to happen to me

Mark Wilson

I know a guy who's half Japanese, won't by our record until it's out on LP
Mark Wilson, Mark Wilson, he's alright

I know a guy who doesn't get to sleep because he's staying up late with W.K. conspiracies
Mark Wilson, Mark Wilson, he's alright

And you know, yeah you know he hits the North East every year
And the Ski Jackets make music that nobody want to hear
But that's okay, yeah he's okay

I know a guy who's half Japanese, I've been rocking his bass head since 2003
Mark Wilson, Mark Wilson, he's alright

I know a guy who bikes really fast, in the Safeway 500 he came in dead last
Mark Wilson, Mark Wilson, he's alright

The only bands that he likes are the Dear Landlords and The Copyrights
And he wants a tattoo that says "Minky Erg's the best! Fuck you!"
On his fists and his tits

Mark Wilson, Mark Wilson, he's alright

I know a guy
Who's obsessed with really odd food
Who's probably going to cut you
Who sabotages bike shops
Who wouldn't buy an Xbox
Who heckles when he's loaded
Who head almost exploded
Carry out

I'm Hiding Your Car Keys In the Garbage

Every time we drive you want to listen to The Donnas
I'm getting tired of always listening to The Donnas
Twenty-one boys
Twenty-one nights
Who the fuck are these damn sluts
I want to punch them in the throat
Fuck you